we're chasing vodka with high fives
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
