the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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