as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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