I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
