Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm just crazy horny about you
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
