Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
