thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
