My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
