haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
