I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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