Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
