I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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