I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
