You're my little dorito
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
