What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I have feelings that need drinking.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
