k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
