Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize