yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
