If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
