took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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