How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
