I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
