Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
how drunk are you?
Several
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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