I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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