I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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