maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
