What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
