I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
