There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
