idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
