i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
