Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
