Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
