If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
