i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Randomize
