Christians are straight up FREAKS
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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