very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
