I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
