I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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