my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
