I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
