Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
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There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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