Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
