You made me cry and you don't even care
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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