yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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