piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The best revenge is premature balding
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
