I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
