i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
