96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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