i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
