After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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