Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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