shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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