after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
