And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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