If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
