if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
