If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
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He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
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Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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