I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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