But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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