how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
