i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
