How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
