Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
