i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
