he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
