Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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