I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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