That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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