I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
