I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
