All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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