4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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